4 things women do to lose their men!

I get a lot of grief from people asking why I only write for women, now I could get upset, because the blog is pretty balanced, showing the issues that face both men and women, but being the reasonable person I am, I try to give to everybody what they want.

To this end, I am writing about 4 things that women do to lose their man, get on their man’s nerve and generally cause men to give up either trying or even paying attention.

Its all about the money

My dear ladies, as I woman I am very well aware of the limits that are placed on us within or society, we cannot be too successful because we will threaten some man with what we have achieved, but at the same time no man wants a liability so we have to make sure we are also bringing home the bacon. Unfortunately with all things said and done we also don’t want to spend all our hard earned money taking care of responsibilities the men are meant to take care of, namely:

·         House

·         Car

·         Household appliances

·         Driver and house maid fees

·         School Fees

·         Our hair, nails, recharge card, phone upgrade fee to name a few.

So what happens when this is all women talk to men about, many men start to see the women as grasping, ungrateful, and I shudder as I type this, disrespectful.

Its not that a man doesn’t want you to earn your wages, he just doesn’t want to be bashed over the head with the money that you may or may not earn

Its not that he doesn’t want you to save your money, but give a guy a break, hes still paying his sister and brother’s school fees, not to mention the price of petrol has gone up

Its  not that he doesn’t want to pay for you to look gorgeous, but do you really have to by the Brazilian weave and the hooker false nails?

I always say this as a counselor, you have to balance your ideals with your reality and realize sometimes its not about the money its about what you can build together.

Attention deficit disorder

This is the process when a woman either gives too much or too little attention to her man. I know how to do you measure this dynamic attention matrix where you balance between crazy, psycho bitch and ice queen par excellence? This is a question greater women than i have asked (look at Queen Cleo, Cleopatra to you purists), but like all things to do with men, you have to watch your man and figure or his kink.

Some men are all about the outward expression of their love, the classic ‘she is my queen syndrome’, which is more, she is mine hands off, for some, it’s the more subtle looking under the eye lashes to gauge where you are going and who with.

The truth is that a man who wants you wants you, he will tell you in his words and deed and will also show his friends. Its not about him telling them that you are his, its in the way he behaves when he talks about you and how he talks about you.

Women if you are still waiting to find out how he feels about you, or even after you find out how he feels about you, please I beg you do NOT do the following:

·         Call him all the time – if the dude has a job, getting 5 phone calls from you in an hour and then a teary one asking why he did not pick up one phone call is not going to endear you to him. Call him in the morning on his way to work, make him know his is on your mind, in the afternoon when things are stressed, call him maybe help him calm down and in the evening, if you know he faces one of those horrible Lagos/ Nigeria traffic call him to help him pass the time. Finally at night, that time when freaky stuff can happen call him as well.

I right now I’m hearing, ‘with all this calling who will be paying the phone bill’, well if you are a smart woman, you have already figured out the withdrawal method from him, but at the same time, are you not working, take some of that salary and spend on speaking to him.

·         Accuse him all the time – the saying goes ‘denial is not only a river in Egypt’, women generally know when their man is cheating, when you choose to accept it is another thing altogether. So why will you accuse a man of cheating every day he’s 10 mins late, he doesn’t pick up your call or is hanging out with his friends. Don’t get me wrong, he might, but if you are always accusing him, the day he finally admits to it, he will tell you the following:

Since you never trusted me I figure I should give you a reason not to.

If your man is cheating and you know you can either confront him with the proof or leave, but constantly accusing him will not make it any better

Motherfection

Again as a woman I am sorry to say this, but 89% of men have a mummy fixation, and that means if you don’t do it like Mum you will face some unnecessary issues. Don’t get me wrong, any man who wants you to cook like mum, clean like mum and nurse like mum, had better go and stay home with mummy, but there is one basic that all men would like their girlfriend/ wives to be more like their mother, and that is in the unrequited affection (not love or passion) they receive.

Many men would tell you the food you cook is not like the way their mum used to make, they will also tell you don’t take care of the house, ‘just like mum’, personally I would advise you at this point to tell them to get their mother in the house to do it, however what mummy provides that you also need to provide is that sense of being truly tuned in to your man.  What this also means on the flip side is if you have ‘motherfection’, he is less likely to wonder or worry about your cooking etc.

Motherfection is the total and utter willingness to provide a listening ear, and an open heart even when he’s behaving like a wanker. It also means being able to tell him the truth without crowing, doing the I told you so dance and generally showing your arse (except of course if that’s how you all roll). Its loving him like whole heartedly without reservations, and any woman who knows men would tell you they are very sensitive creatures always in need of reassurance and affection.

Lying Game

Yes we all do it, say we are at hanging with friends when we are really having just quick drinks with that man who was so dashing and looks like a backup plan, or better yet, your boss but you know if you tell him he’ll go spare.

The issue though is that when and if you lie and he finds out, he can never trust what you say ever again because, he automatically thinks, if she’s lying about this, what else is she lying about !