Questions to Ask When Preparing for Marriage by John Piper

Below is a mail that was sent to me by an ex beau, and despite the fact that we parted ways these questions are, I believe intrinsic to understanding your relationship as a couple. 

So for once we will be doing less SEX and more RELATIONSHIP.

Theology

What do you believe about...everything?
Discover how you form your views. What is the reasoning-believing
process? How do you handle your holy book?

Worship and Devotion
How important is corporate worship? Other participation in religious life?
How important is it to be part of a small accountability/support group?
What is the importance of music in life and worship?
What are your daily personal devotional practices? Prayer, reading,
meditation, memorization. . . . . .
What would our family devotions look like? Who leads out in this?
Are we doing this now in an appropriate way: praying together about
our lives and future?

 

Husband and Wife

What is the meaning of headship and submission in the holy book  and in our
marriage?
What are expectations about situations where one of you might be alone
with someone of the opposite sex?
How are tasks shared in the home: cleaning, cooking, washing dishes,
yard work, car upkeep, repairs, shopping for food, and household
stuff?
What are the expectations for togetherness?
What is an ideal non-special evening?
How do you understand who and how often sex is initiated?
Who does the chequebook—or are there two?

Children
If and when, should we have children? Why?
How many?
How far apart?
Would we consider adoption?
What are the standards of behavior?
What are the appropriate ways to discipline them? How many strikes
before they’re...whatever?
What are the expectations of time spent with them and when they go to bed?
What signs of affection will you show them?
What about school? Home school? Religious school? Public school?

Lifestyle

Own a home or not? Why?
What kind of neighborhood? Why?
How many cars? New? Used?
View of money in general. How much to the church?
How do you make money decisions?
Where will you buy clothes: Department store? Thrift store? In between? Why?

Entertainment
How much money should we spend on entertainment?
How often should we eat out? Where?
What kinds of vacations are appropriate and helpful for us?
How many toys? Snowmobile, boat, cabin?
Should we have a television? Where? What is fitting to watch? How much?
What are the criteria for movies and theater? What will our guidelines
be for the kids?

Conflict
What makes you angry?
How do you handle your frustration or anger?
Who should bring up an issue that is bothersome?
What if we disagree both about what should be done, and whether it is serious?
Will we go to bed angry at each other?
What is our view of getting help from friends or counselors?

Work
Who is the main breadwinner?
Should the wife work outside the home? Before kids? With kids at home?
After kids?
What are your views of daycare for children?
What determines where you will locate? Job - Whose job, Place of worship? Family?

 

Friends

Is it good to do things with friends but without spouse?
What will you do if one of you really likes to hang out with so and so
and the other doesn’t?

Health and Sickness
Do you have, or have you had any, sicknesses or physical problems that
could affect our relationship? (Allergies, cancer, eating disorders,
venereal disease, etc.)
Do you believe in divine healing and how would prayer relate to
medical attention?
How do you think about exercise and healthy eating?
Do you have any habits that adversely affect health?