Recently in a survey conducted by Durex, it was noted that Nigerian women are the most likely to cheat, in fact more than that it said that Nigerian women actually DO cheat the most on their spouses. So you can imagine my chagrin when one of my clients informed me that she had not only been having fantasies about HOT Hollywood men but more dangerously the hot colleague in her office while she is having sex with her husband.
To be frank such fantasies are normal, particularly when it is in relation to Hollywood men, like characters in a book the people are not real to us so it is easier to project a fantasy on them, its a fantasy and all things considered you are as likely to meet the Hollywood as you are to have sex with them, this sounds harsh but it’s the truth.
What is dangerous however is fantasizing about your work colleague while having sex with your husband. While sometimes, it is inevitable that our normal lives will interfere with out fantasy life, when it comes to continuous sexual fantasies caution needs to be taken. Many women cheat not just because they are looking for emotional, sexual and psychological support outside, but also like men because of proximity, what this means is that the likelihood of your fantasy life moving to reality is high, so separation is key.
Fantasizing about a colleague allows you to project the idea of an ideal on a real life person that you know and speak to daily, thus creating more of an emotional bond and being curious as all people are, at some point you will want to find out if the reality is as enjoyable as the fantasy and this is where the lines get blurred. I couldn’t offer her a straight forward answer on how to overcome the fantasy, other than continuing to work in therapy to find out why these feelings are developing and trying to redirect this energy. However a series of baby steps can be implemented to at least counter the effect.
The first steps are to think about:
· What is it about this man that makes him the focus of your fantasy?
· Is there a common thread between the Hollywood men and the colleague you are fantasizing about in terms of looks, character?
· What could your husband do to make you more aware of him when you are having sex?
Just remember that if all is said and done there was something that attracted you to your husband in the first place, try and find it to recreate the spark so that your fantasy life can be all about your husband again.
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