Valentine’s Day has come and gone and again you are nobody’s
Valentine, nobody took you the Maxwell concert, and as much as it hurts, you know that the reason is because guys are
‘fuckwits’ and ‘commitmentphobic’ and really don’t deserve you and any mini
break you have planned. However, you do seem to be in a ‘buddy’ situation with
a man who ‘likes you too much to marry you’ and you have so many male friends
who keep hitting on you, but you know you’ll never date them because they are
married and have children. I’m sorry to tell you, but you are in what is best
described as the Chick Lit/ Rom Com nightmare.
This syndrome is one that affects about 1 in every 3 women
not just in Nigeria but the world, the idea that their life is really a chick
lit/ rom com, filled with wine, men bashing and hanging with the girls and the
safe guys. What they don’t unfortunately see is that these books/ movies are
not a fantasy to live up to, but rather a cautionary tale that is to be avoided
if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life looking up you hoo haa to confirm
that it’s still there while waiting for
Mr Tall, Dark and Sociopathic.
How do you know you are living a chick lit/ rom com
- You are friends with the most perfect man for you but because you are following the rules, you don’t make a move and he marries the bitch queen from the hell dimension
- You have all these male friends who are married, and have children, but they come and hang with you, drink with you and make passes at you, but you believe that its all good fun and they understand your pain in not meeting the right guy
- You drink copious amounts of wine by yourself, while listening to female empowerment songs about not being depressed about being alone by women who already have the life you are dreaming of.
- You have become best friends with your little plastic friend and will never break up with it
- Your life is going down the tubes workwise, and you are holding out for a hero to rescue you from this drudgery.
If you fall into any of the above my darling, shake off the
chick lit/ rom com glasses and get a life!
- You are friends with the most perfect man for you but because you are following the rules, you don’t make a move and he marries the bitch queen from the hell dimension
If this is you then I’m sorry to say you snooze you lose. Don’t
get me wrong, I am actually romantic enough to believe that the person for you
is not going to pass you by, and also there is more than one person for you. But
if you always knew that this person was your ‘soul mate’ (yawn) and you did
nothing, then you deserve to lose them. To break out of the cautionary tale, be
bold express yourself.
- You have all these male friends who are married, and have children, but they come and hang with you, drink with you and make passes at you, but you believe that it’s all good fun and they understand your pain in not meeting the right guy
Ok sorry to break another bubble, but these guys are not
there to be your shoulder to cry on, most of them are waiting for you to be at
your lowest ebb so they can shag you, it doesn’t make them mean, just
opportunistic. To add fuel to this fire, these men are living their life quite
happily while slurping down your wine or is that whine!
- You drink copious amounts of wine by yourself, while listening to female empowerment songs about not being depressed about being alone by women who already have the life you are dreaming of.
I don’t know who said this, but never drink alone in your
house (or well never drink a whole bottle of wine alone in the house) this is
on a clinical level is a sign of depression. People who drink alone are more likely to
suffer from depression and might have considered or attempted suicide. Truth is
it’s not that you drink alone, it the amount you drink, the frequency you drink
it and what you are thinking about while drinking. When you now throw in female
empowerment songs of the ‘guys who done you wrong’. You are falling down the slippery
road of lonely, cat lady.
- You have become best friends with your little plastic friend and will never break up with it
As anybody who has read the blog knows, I am all for self-satisfaction
and I would never begrudge you the time with your plastic friend and getting and achieving your
pleasure, but when your plastic friend and you start having a highly intimate
relationship at the detriment of finding a flesh and blood human being? Sister stop
the cycle, say NO to the plastic and break up with it.
- Your life is going down the tubes workwise, and you are holding out for a hero to rescue you from this drudgery.
This applies to those whose life is going down the tube
workwise and those who are not even working. If you are waiting for life to
happen to you because you believe that some man will come and rescue you, chick
lit/ rom com alert. Nobody rescues
anybody, I’m not being negative but only you can rescue yourself, so I suggest,
revitalising your CV, start searching for jobs in all the usual and unusual places,
go shopping for a new kick arse wardrobe and ditch that job. When the ‘rescuer’ who is worth his mantle
sees you taking control of your life, he is bound to lie supplicant at your
feet!
I won’t tell you to stop reading Chick Lits and watching Rom
Com’s (I’m romantic that way as well), but I would suggest you start realising
that such things are cautionary tales that if you believe will bite you the
buttock
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