How to make your Vajajay juice and Jism taste good

I don’t know if you have ever had that moment, as you are going down on your partner for the first time, the pre whatever comes and you go ‘Hell NO, this tastes foul! 

Now i’m your girl and I’ll tell you the truth, your internal juices do not taste like lollipops and vanilla cream cakes, and sometimes they can taste just awful, because some people are just nasty, not bathing and cleaning down there and for others it’s the food they eat, for others it is their lifestyle as a whole.

So in honour of all the men and women who have had the very sad pleasure of ingesting something that they would rather not from down there (cause you have to admit some people have gnomes living down there), and also to perform a public service that would get your partner coming back for more of your sweet, sweet taste, take these advice to heart and you will never go dry again!

Sweet Fruits and Veg

Now I am not saying that it is 100% fool proof, but evidence has found that eating sweet fruits such as Pineapples, Cherries, Strawberries, etc can make a woman’s juices sweeter. As the vagina juices are acidic, these sweet fruits help to balance out the PH down there.

As men’s sperm is alkaline fruits such as Pineapple with high acidity helps to also balance out the PH of the sperm to make it less bitter and more ummmm hmmmmm!

Celery can also been seen as the vegetables of champions when it comes to the bodies sexual secretions. 

For women celery is high in water and Vitamin C, it works wonders to reduce any bitter taste the vagina may have. Vitamin C is very effective in restoring the ecology of vaginal bacteria and promoting the growth of healthy flora .

For Men celery, has a high chlorophyll content, that's believed to help sweeten the taste of semen

Keeping it Clean

Certain sexual practices cause vaginal odor, any introduction of foreign bacteria can upset the delicate balance in your vagina and so sexual practices can have an effect. Certain practices in particular can set off a reaction, namely anal sex before vaginal sex, oral sex, and the use of objects or food as penetrative methods. If you wish to engage in these practices, use protection (like a condom) and change it in between activities.

Avoid hot baths and hot tubs. Surrounding your vagina with overly hot water will kill much of your body’s natural bacteria which preserves the delicate balance of your vagina. Avoid sitting in very hot water too frequently or for too long.

Try shaving or trimming. Having pubic hair does not necessarily cause odor in that area, but it can create an environment that harbors bacteria if not cleaned properly. If you want to reduce the likelihood of this being a problem, you can shave your pubic hair or keep it cut short. Keeping it cut short is probably better, as stubble can cause skin irritation and invite infections, plus it is itchy and uncomfortable.

Use wet wipes, sometimes you can’t quite get yourself clean enough with dry wipes. Some small amount of residue, can remain and harbor bacteria. Occasionally use a wet wipe or baby wipe to clean only the outside of your pubic area if you feel basic hygiene methods aren’t working well enough.

• Use wet wipes which are fragrance free. Baby wipes tend to use less chemicals and often have fragrance free options.

Reading this, you might think that this sounds more like a science project that just getting the good smells going, but your body is a finely tuned machine that works on a simple and basic trajectory, if you go to much in one direction is affects everything that comes out of you.

If all else fails, and you continue to find that your juices are still tasting or smelling badly there is a chance that you have an STD, STI or some other medical issue, and I would suggest that you go and see you doctor immediately.

Ask for it

I have been approached by a lot of clients recently telling me that they feel that they are always in the wrong sexually with their partner and they don’t know what is going on.

Time and time again, they are faced with the wrinkled nose after sex, and the ‘yes I did come, but you know’………, from what these men are saying, it seems that women are doing one of the many NO NO’s in sex that they should never do, they are asking their men to read their minds, and moods, and the men are worried about being seen as freaks!

I know I have said this before but if you want something, you have to ask for it, and not the ‘you know my friend said that……’ you have to be blunt with your partner because if you don’t tell them, who will?

Asking for it in Nigeria can be a dangerous pursuit I admit, because some men might feel threatened that you know so much about yourself and your pleasure, for others it’s a turn on for them to know that you know what pleases you. On the flip side men also find it difficult asking for that they want because they don’t want to be called weird or freaks, but in the game of sex like in life, if you don’t ask for what you want, you end up with blue balls (this is a very equal opportunity description)

How to ask for it:

Letting your freak flag fly is not an easy thing but honesty from the very beginning is important, if you are the sort of person who needs your partner to live face first down there you have to say, however if you haven’t said before and the sex just seems to be going from bad to worse, here are a few things to help.

1.       Never tell your partner immediately after sex that the sex was crap! Now I don’t mean lie if after sex they ask if you liked it or not, I mean be considerate, say something like, I wish we could try……… By doing this, you are not being confrontational or dismissive you are tackling the issue without conflict with is very important if you want to have round 2, 3 or 4.

2.        If you are too shy to say it, get a pen and paper, use your phone, whatever way in which you wish to communicate it, send the message that you want to try something else because you could (key word here) ‘get more pleasure together if something new was tried’.

3.       If all else fails, you go for the sledge hammer approach, be simple and straight with your partner, tell them you are not having fun in bed, you are not coming you want to try other things. I would suggest that at this time, have a list of those things, and also listen you your partner. For some of them they fact that you are not getting satisfaction is news to them but like all things with active communication you can solve about 85% of your problems.

When all is said and done, nobody knows you like you know yourself, so if you don’t know what turns you on and you are not willing to experiment with your partner, I am sorry to say the issues are deeper that I am just not getting off. 

Mad Daddy Issues

Chris Rock said in a comedy sketch of his that there is nothing worse than dating a girl with Daddy issues, and boy is he right!

Be it because daddy did not love you enough, or he loved you too much, or simply because you will never be as rich as daddy, women with Daddy issues are not to be trifled with. Unfortunately for most men, most women have daddy issues, and Nigeria being the dynamic messed up, I am a married bachelor country that it is, this is a breeding ground for messed up women.

Spotting the daddy issues

There are a myriad things that a woman can do to show that she has major daddy issues, since the list is exhaustive, I shall highlight a few and give some tips on how to either overcome it or escape without being too much of the bad guy.

My daddy is the best daddy in the world

The truth is that all girls should be daddy’s princesses, and all boys mummy’s princes, the thing is, parents can raise their children to feel valued but also independent (or at least they should), unfortunately this dream tends often to be just that, a dream.

 The Princess on crack daughter, is one of those people who are never happy, I mean you could fuck her with a diamond dick and she will complain that its too hard, too shiny, too faceted, too diamond.

These girls have always had daddy to run to and believe that their partner should do everything daddy does (pay for the car, the house, pocket money, hair allowance etc) but also fuck in a way that would make daddy proud and also not lose her credibility as daddy’s girl. 

Now while this type of girl is a pain in the, you know where, she is redeemable, but it isn’t an easy transition.

1.       Talk to her – You have to let her understand that you are NOT her father. Whatever it is that she gets for him you are a new breed and she needs to be aware of this and accept that you will have to struggle now so that in future your daughters can also be spoilt brats.

2.       Give in – Yes I said it, anybody who stays with a Daddy’s princess, and doesn’t do the hard talk has accepted that this is the sort of person they want to be with and also that they will spend the rest of their life giving to this person everything, whether they have it or not. This is not to say that as the family grows and evolves things won’t change, but truth is this person has abdicated all rights to complain because they didn’t deal with it in the beginning.

You are just like my abandoning father

I hate to say it but A LOT of women in Nigeria fall in to this category. 

Daddy abandoned them because he worked so hard and never saw them, he got a second wife and mommy didn’t agree (stole this bit from Akon), he went abroad to work and married a white woman to get legitimacy, and the list goes on. This is the sort of woman that every time you go out the door, it means you are abandoning her (maybe I’m overstating it a bit but you know what I mean).

This is a toughie because life is never as simple as daddy left, the issues is what happened after daddy left, he broke her trust. The one man in the world who is meant to love her due to genetic make up left her alone and now why shouldn’t all other men? 

1.       Loving these women is an act of courage because you have to be there, where? There, wherever she is when she starts to panic that you will leave, until she get to the point that she accepts that you wouldn’t, or that if you do leave its not an abandonment but the end of this relationship. To this end, if you chose to end the relationship, do it properly, there must be no maybes.

2.       Be honest from the beginning, these women can spot a fart in the air 3 days after you expressed air and are very sensitive to lies, (generally because they are always expecting you to lie), so honesty from the beginning will save you all a lot of time and aggravation. Irrespective of the type of relationship you want to have with her, being honest about it from the beginning determines the parameters of behavior and expectations.

Daddy hurt me

I can’t be flippant about this, as noted in previous posts, when the person who is meant to love you the most breaks that trust due to their own sickness, it is difficult to put into words the sense of betrayal and damage that follows, and while you can be there for your partner, they also need to deal with what happened. 

Dealing with the fall out of Daddy hurt me is a process that involves, counselling, understanding and most of all acceptance that what happened was wrong but it wasn’t their fault.

So next time you meet a woman with Daddy issues, find out which of the above broad spectrum they fall into to help guide you in dealing with them, or otherwise you know where to find me.