Dear Pink Mafia,
I am scared, I’m doing something that I’m afraid will either
cause me to end up eternal damned or unable to find love or sexual pleasure
with a man.
I started masturbating at the age of 19, for me it was just
a way of finding pleasure, it wasn’t a big deal and all in all it was always fulfilling. This is not to say I did not have boyfriends
but when I was inbetween men or even when I was not I masturbated.
My problem started 2 years ago about when I 23, I realized that
I had started to masturbate more frequently in from once a week to 3 times and
now at 25 I find that I am masturbating 6 days a day! I can’t seem to stop, its
almost as though every moment I can get I must masturbate.
The problems keep piling up, I recently joined a new church
and all I have been hearing is that people who masturbate will go to hell and I
don’t want to go to hell because I can’t stop stroking the fur.
Finally I’m afraid that I will never be able to feel
pleasure with a man again. The last 2
relationships I have had with lasted 6 months each approximately did not satisfy
me sexually (and I am going to hell because I fornicated), and I think that the
6 times a day masturbation is ruining me down there and eradicating my ability
to be aroused without being actively involved.
Please help me Pink Mafia, before my hoo haa turns plastic!
Desperately masturbating
Dear DM,
I can understand just how distressing this is for you, regardless
of what say to people you are either going to get one of numerous responses:
- · Stop now or you will go to hell
- · At least you never have to worry about getting yourself off
This is the least of it, and this of course does not include
the humiliation of possibly getting caught every time you go off to masturbate.
This is a difficult subject because there is no one way to
eliminate your problem and I will admit it is a problem. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t agree that a
grown up, mature woman should not masturbate; the issue is the excessive nature
of it. There are varying reasons you might be excessively masturbating, from
maybe abuse as a child and now in adulthood you are reacting to it, to the
possibility that you are a sex addict and when you are out of a relationship or
even when you are in the relationship, you are addicted to the feeling you get
and finally it could be as easy as you having an genital infection.
All of the above 3 require medical assistance (for 2 its counseling,
for 1 its medical), and irrespective of if you feel it’s none of the above you
do still need help in the form of counseling after you go for a medical checkup.
There are some things however that you can do in the interim
to control your behavior and also to begin finding out why you are exhibiting
this behavior recently.
1. Why did this behavior start?
Your excessive masturbation began at a very specific point
in time as mentioned above, it is important to know what happened at this time
and why you reacted to it in the manner.
2. What are you afraid of?
Sometimes our fear translates itself into an external
manifestation, to this end you have to ask what are you afraid or concerned
about that might be causing you to express yourself this way (this is sometimes
related to the above)
3. Where do you find you exhibit this behavior the most?
The reason it is important to identify where you are most
likely to masturbate is to firstly help remove you from the place where you
might be inclined to exhibit this behavior, but secondly and most importantly
the place you masturbate could also be related to the above changes and
feelings noted.
While what I’m going to tell you next is not the solution
(you still need to sit down with a counselor to sort out the increase in your behavior)
the following might help you reduce you current masturbation.
1. Get rid of your toys
Like all those trying to quite a habit, you have to get rid
of the items that are assisting you in this behavior. To be honest if your main
toys are you hands, I can’t say to get rid of them; however wearing gloves at
night might help in some part to reduce the use of them, particularly if you
are more active either at night or in the morning.
2. Find a consuming hobby
This is trite but finding things and ways in which to
distract yourself is also a good way to stop you from obsessing about your
obsession. The hobbies could go from
exhaustive activities such as dancing, sports or board games to something more
simple like reading.
Like all addictive despite doing all the above is a stop
gap, the problem unfortunately is that sometimes no matter how much you try to
stop, if you don’t deal with the underlying cause of this problem, you might
never get healed.
For the religious end, as I always say, I am neither Pastor,
Imam, Rabbi or Religious leader of any form but from a counseling perspective I
do not believe that you will go to hell for masturbating. However, after a
while you might end up feeling that you are in hell because the continual over
stimulation of the clitoris, nipples etc will cause friction burns, dry skin
and or nerve damage.
